Okay, so who knows what antsy means…seriously, I’ve said that a lot, and most of the time when I say it people look at me like huh? And I’m always like well, ya know, bouncy, anxious, excited, fidgety, jittery, ya know antsy.
I’m not entirely sure what it is, but I have my suspicions. Things are still happening and progressing bit by bit for me with writing my book and stories and also with the book world. I have various things going on and I’m a little all over the place. I feel like something is happening and something is coming, but I’m not sure what it is and whatever it has to do with me taking some more action with things. And can I say I’m not a big person that likes to draw attention to myself and go hey hi there I’m a writer, I wrote this, I’m a reviewer, I can promote and help spread the word about your book. I’m a Mom, I’m an intelligent human being with a lot of knowledge that I can use to help you or you or a lot of people but it’s not always easy and it’s scary putting yourself out there however you put yourself out there.
I’ve been having some realizations and light bulb moment a lot lately about where I’m at with my writing and various things in the book world. I know more than I think I do – that is not to say that I know everything because I still have a lot to learn, but I’m further in my knowledge and have learned more than I realized I had. I’m further in my stories and my book than I thought I was and I recently figured an ending that I’m pretty sure is the right ending. It’s the first time I’ve come on and figured out the right ending for a story and it’s a bit exhilarating and terrifying and everything all at once because I’m on the verge of finishing my book and writing The End for the first time. All I have to do is commit to a time and sit down to write it over a few days – a week or so…so I keep thinking about it and getting nervous…but I know I’m going to do it. I’ve also realized recently that I have a process, which is messy, long, and weird – still working on figuring out the process all the time – it may be different for each story or book too I’m realizing as well, but I have a process. I’m beginning to recognize what my brain and thought process is doing, where I’m at, and what that means for the next steps – it’s a bit weird.
I’m on the verge, getting so soclose to so many things that I’ve dreamed of, hoped for, and wanted or been interested in for so long so I’m going a bit stir crazy lately. And I can’t believe it while at the same time I can that I’m doing this, I’m really doing this.